You Are Your Story

I once worked with someone who seemed capable of only relating to others as data points. In fact, it seemed difficult for him to relate to anyone in a genuine, honest or approachable way. He interacted with others based on data points obtained from their scores on a theoretically reliable performance measure or personal preference tool. Having this data seemed to relax him, and he would use this data as a detailed roadmap that guided him in his relation to others. There was no spontaneity, no curiosity or vulnerability in his approach.

These performance or “personality” tools, often used in business as a way to identify intelligence, ability or leadership skills, supposedly offer up a series of scores that provide insight into others’ personalities. These tools are only superficially useful, typically asking a series of questions that get at the “real” person within. Actual outcomes as to whether the “right” choices have been made regarding who to hire for what job, or whether someone is selected as worthy of organizational support or advancement, tell a very different story.

In spite of the oft-quoted myth that this data is predictive, it is actually very difficult to predict career or personal success outcomes based on assessment data points.  My own coaching and counseling work with many clients through the years, and much of the literature on this topic, provide numerous examples to confirm how difficult, if not impossible, this is to do.

Historically, many mental health professionals have used assessment tools to assess youngsters for the next “appropriate” reading group, or to determine if they are a “fit” for a gifted classroom or college. More than one child of color, or someone with test anxiety, has “failed” this kind of assessment. The literature is rich with research regarding gender and racial bias and the limitations of using data to weigh in on whether or not someone “should” choose one life path or another, or be THE FIT for a job or promotion. The psychology profession is replete with examples that reflect a history of treatment and recommendations that have relied upon testing, data, and diagnosis.  On some occasions, assessment can be of benefit to some degree. It can point the way and help determine next steps. But frequently, even when the results are in, data only serves to prompt the question: “Now what?” The answer to that question is much more complex than analyzing the data.

The reality, in fact, is that only seeing others as data points serves the interpersonally inept and those who lack interest in really knowing others. Being able to pigeonhole someone helps lower the anxiety of those who feel insecure in their own skin, and who dread becoming vulnerable or encountering the unpredictable aspect of human nature. And, of course, using data can also provide a false rationale for maintaining the status quo. At best, data can only ultimately serve to suggest a possible path forward; it doesn’t provide the whole picture, and it certainly doesn’t provide certainty about the future.

What I do know about human nature is that people are anything BUT data points. Humans are multifaceted, nuanced individuals, whose internal emotional world often guides them, long before they ever consider taking the opportunity to sit quietly, and assess their decisions or examine the motives for their behavior. 

My appreciation for the fact that you, as an individual, are so much more than any data point you may have received in your life drives my belief in the work that I do. If you have ever been told that ANY score or label you’ve been given IS who you are, I beg to differ. People are capable of many things, including acing on impulse, spontaneously making choices and decisions based on their ability to access deep and valid feelings, capable of dreaming great dreams, and acting in the service of others.

You are capable of love, of belief and faith, and are so much more than the sum of your bank account, or physical attributes, and yes, even your perceived flaws, limitations, and vulnerabilities.

You are someone’s daughter, son, friend, parent, and neighbor. You are a person of color, or gay, or of meager beginnings or of privilege. You are the sum of your experiences and doubts, mistakes and right choices.

You have lived a life. It is my honor to find out more about who you are, and what defines you and your relationships. You are not a label or statistic.

You are your Story.